Moments
by McDayDreaming
Summary: A one shot exploring Derek's grief. Post 9.01 Over time your life drifts into a new kind of normal where memories of Mark don't consume your every thought and you aren't sad ALL the time, but there are moments. Please read & review!


A/N I don't usually write using "you" but that's how it came out. Tell me what you think. P.S. I still hate that Mark's dead!

Moments

Over time your life drifts into a new kind of normal where memories of Mark don't consume your every thought and you aren't sad ALL the time, but there are moments.

In the long months where you struggling to regain full hand function you were encouraged every day, but no one could do it with his particular brand of humor. You would have been annoyed with him at times, but you needed him in those dark moments when it felt like you'd never get there.

When Callie finally got it right, PT was pretty much done and your first surgery back was a success you couldn't help but look up at the gallery and notice he wasn't there. Later that night when celebrating at Joe's you were having a good time, but it felt like a piece of you was missing. Mark had been there to celebrate nearly every important occasion of your life, and now he wasn't.

It felt the same way when Mer finally convinced you to stay in Seattle and move into that house you built. You knew Mark would have been one of the first to arrive and the last to leave the housewarming party. Instead there was a void.

On bad days work provided no escape. You would come around the corner expecting to see him chewing out an intern, or exiting an On-Call room, followed shortly by Lexie; or maybe waiting at your usual table in the cafeteria. When the need arose to work with a plastic surgeon Jackson Avery was the one to call. He had a similar skill and finesse, but no one could anticipate your next move in an OR the way Mark could. There were echoes of him everywhere, but that's all they were, just echoes. Though it did no good sometimes you felt guilty for the time you didn't want him in Seattle. If you could do it again you would mend your friendship a lot quicker. After all it was Mark who pushed you toward Meredith in the first place, and she'was the best thing that ever happened to you.

If there was a new development in Sofia's life you always expect Mark to call, text, Skype, or pop over instead of Callie or Arizona, and it still seems weird to watch football with Callie while the kids have play dates even though you've grown closer in the past while.

You completely lost it on a random Wednesday when Zola caught you staring wistfully at a candid picture of you and Mark taken not long before the crash. She pointed at Markand said "Sofia's Daddy." You wanted to explain that he was her Uncle too but you couldn't bring yourself to. You had before, but the toddler continuously associated him with her best friend. She spent a lot of time in the Robbins Torres home and Mark's memory was very alive there so Sofia would understand that she had a Daddy who loved her. There were plenty of reminders here too, but it hurt too much to keep them all visible. Your heart broke as the realization once again dawned on you that Sofia would never really know her father, and Zola would never get the chance to depend on him for love and support no matter what, especially when it felt like she couldn't go to her parent's Due to the close relationship between doctors at Seattle Grace Mercy West she had a few Uncle's, but none like him. You couldn't hold back the tears. It felt like you were drowning in emotion.

You go for a drive to clear your head and end up in a familiar place.

"Hey Mark."

Many thoughts and feelings bounce around in your head, but you can't put them into words, so you go for the obvious, "I miss you. I miss you so much. So far time isn't making this much easier on me."

Then the tears fall. You stay until you start to shiver in the cool damp weather. As you turn to leave you ask him to watch over everyone you love though you're sure he already does. You start to walk away but turn back.

"I'm a better man for knowing you Mark Sloan."

The number one thing on your mind after that is getting home to spend time with your family, because none of us know how long we have left.

When you got there Meredith and Zola were playing with some blocks on the floor. You join them and hold Mer close breathing in the familiar scent of lavender.

"How was seeing Mark?"

"Hard. Look I'm sorry I didn't come talk to you today, but I just-"

"It's ok .Sometimes you need space. I get it. I'm here for you if you need me."

"Thanks. I know you're missing Lexie, remember it's a two way street. I'm here for you too."

"I like to think they're together.

"Me too, they deserve eternal happiness"

Then you kissed her, soft and quick, like a habit. For a few moments everything was perfect.


End file.
